"Gone are the leaves on the Hecate trees,
Shed to the wind, 'til her skeleton claws the sky,
I am alone in a forest of memories,
Dragging behind me the howl of the winter.
Hecate, Hecate, Hecate."
~ Wendy Rule, Hecate.

The holy goddess of the night, queen of dreams, bringer of light and flame. I spell it with a 'k'. If I had to put a name to the reason I have begun to 'believe' that gods and goddesses are real, that name would be Hekate. There are any number of other spiritual beings floating out there in the ether. This one is the one that called to me. One of several, but one in particular. One and one.

Hekate has come to me in dreams. She has whispered to me during meditation. She is teaching me the values of belief, and of determination. Before meeting this goddess, I would proclaim that I didn't believe in anything. I felt (and still do in many ways) that we can never really know for certain the objective reality of paranormal and spiritual experience. I was trying to be a true agnostic. I still keep that idea in mind, and I remember to check myself against it, but I also question its usefulness, and am reminded of its importance: to not let myself get stuck in one hole or another. But I am coming to realize that belief carries a power, with which we can do just about anything. It is naive, however, to think that belief alone could solve all our problems. Therein lies, like with most things, a spectrum of balance to be sought after.

I believe in Hekate because I have experienced her in many ways. I disbelieve in Hekate because I don't believe in anything. It seems to be a Catch 22. Cognitive dissonance can be a tricky thing to navigate, and with regularity when exploring these strange realms, but it can also keep us on track like ancient koans. On track, irregardless of where the track leads.

Hekate has taught me many things. I have learned to pay more attention to my dreams, to interpret them symbolically and to begin to understand how to pull meaning out of my dreams - even old dreams from years ago. I have learned to respect the process, and to remain consistent with my practice. I have learned how to find balance and stillness within myself. And I have even learned to respect myself and trust my own experiences. She has taught me these things in complex ways.

Happy October.